See You in a Week-- I hope

* If you get bored and miss me, you can catch my column this Saturday at www.paradisepost.com . Click on columnists. Hint I'm the one with the name Bonnie. This week's topic is 30-day guarantees on mattresses.

And now---

I have finally taken my head out of the oven and emerged with even fewer rational brain cells. Yes, I have decided to go camping-- again-- alone with the kids.

It's summer. I'm hot and I am incredibly bored. If I were to remain in my natural habitation (my computer room) I'd turn into Hewlett. You'd need a mouse to make me move and you'd have to talk to me in Java script. My kids practically already have to spell it out or I just don't comprehend. All conversations must be typed.

In the past I was only on the computer when I was working-- now I am "working" all the time. You all are an addiction, and I need to go into rehab.

And so, not because I don't love each and every one of you or because I don't find your daily habits to be an amazing study in darwinism, but because I'm starting to forget who is whom-- in my own house-- really I thought Nikki was Social Worker Frustrated Mother the other day. She is starting to look like the picture SWFM posts with her blog-- and so, I have decided I need to sleep with bears.

I need to get out of here and talk to my kiddies. They are my life's entertainment. My hearts happiness. And my eye's tears ( and crows feet) They've given me immeasurable gifts-- laugh lines. Frown Lines and big brown circles under my eyes.

It's time that I pay for all my gifts. We are off to make memories.

But before we go I will tell you one last story-- don't get too excited. It's not that great.

Once upon a time there was a perpetual planner who was terrible at her job. She really wanted to go to Oregon and check out the waterfalls, Mount Hood and the ocean. She really wanted to have a girls night/nobody's birthday soiree out with Kigogal.

She also wanted to go to Fort Bragg and walk on the glass beach, look at the redwoods and ride something called the Skunk Train.

But she was short on cash and didn't really want to camp because camping equated to work and work equated to frustration.
She really wanted to escape the dungeons of her master's castle. Her master was Lady Margaret and her two ladies in waiting, Nicole and Abigail. She really wanted to go to Fiji and get lost.

But her wages were meager. Her masters were demanding-- and they demanded that she take them with her.

And so she showed them pictures of all these exotic places and tried to sway them her way--but they didn't want to camp either.

She searched for some rustic cabins (cheap-- bring your own linens kinds of places).

And it was like Tinkerbelle came down from the sky- she found some in a lovely place called Sequoia National Forest. The land of the big trees you say. How lucky! No as it turns out, after our lovely planner paid for her passage, she discovered the trees were actually in Sequoia National PARK-- hours from her cabin which is really on a mountain top near Bakersfield (the armpit of hell).

With two days to spare, she paid a hefty fine, cancelled her reservations and found a place to stay for five nights in Fort Bragg.

Yes, she is camping. Only she never plans things easily. The five nights she could get are spread out at different camps. And for three days of her trip, she has no place to stay.

Yes, our little planner will be foraging for shelter for three of the nights she is away. You may see her family sleeping at the local rest stop with the truckers.

Will she come back in one piece?

Will she throw herself onto glass beach?

Will she stink up the skunk train because she forgot to bring quarters for the showers?

Will the ladies be pleased?

You will all have to wait because she hasn't planned that far ahead-- she doesn't even know how to get to Fort Bragg.

Take care and don't forget me. I'm planning on that.