Part One: With Hubbers Gone, how do I do it? You asked. I answered (well not yet. The answer comes tomorrow.)

The ground troops outnumber me and I no longer have the resources to meet their demands. I radioed for more reinforcements, but the supply lines are tied up.

There will be no reinforcements. I must brave the journey through sights no eyes are old enough to see-- booby-trapped plastic farm animals with their legs pointing up like three-day-old road kill and the horror of horrors naked dismembered Barbies. Barbie heads on Kelly dolls, one-legged Barbies and Barbies with their eyes colored over in bright blue ink. Naked Ken with his plastic underwear and missing earring.

But it is the animalistic screeching, the cacophony of voices, the moaning as if mortally wounded by the pinch of two-year-old fingers and the ruckus of wrestling bodies that made me fantasize about desertion.

The torture was unbearable.

Twenty-four hours of:

“MAAAAAWM! Nikki pinched me!” The tears fly. The body swoons and collapses as if the pinch came straight from Snow White’s stepmother.

“Mine!”

“Stop touching me!”

“No you stop touching me-- MAAAAAAWM, Abby is touching me.”

“No fair.”

“I had it first”

“No, I said give it to me-- now-- MAAAAAWM Abby won’t give it to me, and I had it first.”

“I love you mom,” (kisses from Abby-- and then the tears) “Maggie took my dolly. It's my dolly. She's being mean.”

I can’t take it. I must speak.

“It’s time for bed.”

“But MAAAAAAWM.”

“You heard me. It is time for bed.”

“OK but I have to finish coloring this page first.”

Ten minutes later.

“I said it is time for bed.”

“I heard you Mom. I haven’t brushed my teeth.”

“I need a drink.”

“Nikki keeps pushing me.”

“Maggie won’t let me sleep.”

“Can I sleep in your room? I’m afraid to sleep here.”

“WILL YOU ALL JUST GO TO BED!”

And so---

You will have to wait until tomorrow to discover how a peace agreement was reached without any help from the UN.