My Mother Made Me Do It
It is true posting a picture of yourself and your family on the Net is indeed dangerous, and my dear readers I have proof. My picture served as a homing device for --- dun-dun-dah-- my mother.
I have now become the poster child for why you should never post your face on the Net-- especially that picture, according to her.
"Your children are much cuter than that, and you simply looked awful," she said. "If you are going to post a picture, post one that makes you look good."
To which I thought, "Hmmm? Those college year swimsuit photos-- would that be considered false advertising by today's standards?"
"It didn't even look like you," she said.
That was the point.
And so, my mother like any good mother who doesn't want her grandchildren represented as half-naked just washed babes with their hands in their mouths, started searching for the picture-- the only other picture in existence that has all four of us together.
This is the same picture I didn't want to be in (notice no make up-- I guess you can't because it wouldn't upload) but my Nikki kept crawling away so I was forced to sit and hold her down. This is the same picture I don't have a copy of because I gave them all away -- by accident I swear. I really didn't mean too. As much as I detest having my picture taken, I would like one of the four of us-- heck I'd even include my husband and have an honest family photo.
And so my mother ripped it out of her frame, scanned it, emailed to me and then proceeded to tap her fingers in time-- waiting its arrival on my blog.
Unfortunately, the picture is also the only picture Blogger won't upload. For real, I'm not holding back (promise mom).
Have no fear, I am sure my mother in all her motherly pride will start her own blog complete with photos chronicling the lives of her dearly beloved-- want to see me in braces- what about that 80s hair? Want to see me minutes after pushing out a 10 pound baby? what about an 8 pounder? 9 ponder anyone?
Want to know for certain that my kids looked like prunes after they were born? Want to know for certain that Nikki is absolutely beautiful with eyes that are up to no good or that Abby looks like Holly Hobby or a precious moments doll? Want to see what my husband looks like-- well all you have to do is look at Maggie and her infectious smile and broad shoulders (of course, you can't here because I don't have any posted-- yet anyway).
Wedding photos anyone? I got dressed in the front yard (for real) the lighting inside was terrible. Bees flew up my dress and bit me on my booty as I said I do.
What about the handsome man I married but no one really knows exists because he is rarely seen? My mother has proof I'm not an unmarried mother of three.
You can be assured these will be there-- along with my college bikini photos because what mother is more proud of her daughter than when she looks good in a two piece-- for a moment anyway. I am of course kidding. I think I took the beach photos with me so I could be assured they never surfaced again.
Come back tomorrow when my mother sends the computer geek straight to my house, infiltrates my blog and posts the picture.