Of Socks and Men

Laundry, duck hunting/firefighting absent husband, three little girls and no dogs in sight Slightly neurotic and completely at my witts end--- wife, mother, dreamer lost in her 30-somethings

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Location: Paradise

I'm a 35-year-old mother of three who has a million dreams to dream -- and three children to carry out the ones she doesn't get around to. My husband is a firefighter and an obsessed duck hunter, so I'm pretty much a single mother, trying to juggle my life around duck season and fire season.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

My Mother Made Me Do It

It is true posting a picture of yourself and your family on the Net is indeed dangerous, and my dear readers I have proof. My picture served as a homing device for --- dun-dun-dah-- my mother.

I have now become the poster child for why you should never post your face on the Net-- especially that picture, according to her.

"Your children are much cuter than that, and you simply looked awful," she said. "If you are going to post a picture, post one that makes you look good."

To which I thought, "Hmmm? Those college year swimsuit photos-- would that be considered false advertising by today's standards?"

"It didn't even look like you," she said.

That was the point.

And so, my mother like any good mother who doesn't want her grandchildren represented as half-naked just washed babes with their hands in their mouths, started searching for the picture-- the only other picture in existence that has all four of us together.

This is the same picture I didn't want to be in (notice no make up-- I guess you can't because it wouldn't upload) but my Nikki kept crawling away so I was forced to sit and hold her down. This is the same picture I don't have a copy of because I gave them all away -- by accident I swear. I really didn't mean too. As much as I detest having my picture taken, I would like one of the four of us-- heck I'd even include my husband and have an honest family photo.

And so my mother ripped it out of her frame, scanned it, emailed to me and then proceeded to tap her fingers in time-- waiting its arrival on my blog.

Unfortunately, the picture is also the only picture Blogger won't upload. For real, I'm not holding back (promise mom).

Have no fear, I am sure my mother in all her motherly pride will start her own blog complete with photos chronicling the lives of her dearly beloved-- want to see me in braces- what about that 80s hair? Want to see me minutes after pushing out a 10 pound baby? what about an 8 pounder? 9 ponder anyone?

Want to know for certain that my kids looked like prunes after they were born? Want to know for certain that Nikki is absolutely beautiful with eyes that are up to no good or that Abby looks like Holly Hobby or a precious moments doll? Want to see what my husband looks like-- well all you have to do is look at Maggie and her infectious smile and broad shoulders (of course, you can't here because I don't have any posted-- yet anyway).

Wedding photos anyone? I got dressed in the front yard (for real) the lighting inside was terrible. Bees flew up my dress and bit me on my booty as I said I do.

What about the handsome man I married but no one really knows exists because he is rarely seen? My mother has proof I'm not an unmarried mother of three.

You can be assured these will be there-- along with my college bikini photos because what mother is more proud of her daughter than when she looks good in a two piece-- for a moment anyway. I am of course kidding. I think I took the beach photos with me so I could be assured they never surfaced again.

Come back tomorrow when my mother sends the computer geek straight to my house, infiltrates my blog and posts the picture.


Blogger Babaloo said...

Hee hee hee... although I feel your pain (really I do) I just can't stop laughing at the thought of your mom dictating the "correct" photo to post! I thought the one you did post was adorable and if it doesn't really look like any of you, how would we (besides Jodi and maybe a few others) know the difference?

3:45 PM  
Blogger Waya said...

That is so funny, well not really, b/c my Mom would have done the same!!

6:53 PM  
Blogger kigogal said...

I'm laughing, too! Moms. :-)

7:19 PM  
Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Uch that is so not nice let her speak to me.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

babaloo-- I think it is funny-- what are the odds.
If she chooses to post comments, you'll learn she is very funny

waya-- Nice to know I'm not alone. Moms just want their kids to put their best face forward-- I think it is funny

kigogal- glad to hear it

SWFM-- it's Ok. Now, I'm just going to have to mind my mouth-- which is probably a good thing in a way. Maybe I'll start to be more positive-- or at least sound more positive

10:59 PM  
Blogger flör said...

whee! mom's reading your blog? you're one brave chick bon. (HI MOM!)

Upload it to tinypic and mom'll be even happier.

can't wait to see it.. (hint, hint)

12:25 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Mom's have such strong opinions about pictures. My mom has said she's going to start calling in sick to work when I take the kids to get their pictures taken because I don't do their hair right.

5:01 AM  
Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

You always sound positive

6:56 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

UM, well, i am NEVER telling my Mom about my blog because I do not want to censor myself. So, good luck with that, honey. :)

And Babaloo, all 4 of them ARE adorable, trust me! My boys are in love with bonnie's girls. :)

And to Bonnie's Mom, we love her just the way she is!!!!!!! Please don't make her change. She's perfect. Absolutely perfect. And so are her girls. Perfect.

7:23 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

You are brave ... my mother doesn't know about my blog - I'd have to delete half of my archive if she ever finds out :)

Thanks for introducing me to your blog. Love it (and the picture you chose of your babes - so cute)

9:27 AM  
Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

Oy vey! I am of the opinion that mothers should NEVER see your blogs!!! lol

10:38 AM  
Blogger patti said...

Bonnie--if you go to my blog (thank you for setting it up--although I resent the name)you will see the good picture!

11:18 AM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

Mommy dearest (patti) the name suits you well-- you aren't exactly the model of gracefulness (love you-- don't like your skinned knees)
Oh well, I'm sure I'll be there too one day.
Thanks for visiting and making yourself known. Crap. Now I have to watch my manners-- but at least I know someone is watching

11:27 AM  
Blogger patti said...

The older you get the more you are like me! Or better yet "what goes around comes around"!

11:33 AM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

And you sure have been around a lot--

2:49 PM  
Blogger Babaloo said...

I've decided to post my family's picture tomorrow...should I run it by Patti first?

3:59 PM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

babaloo-- I think that would be a marvelous idea-- but send her several to choose from so she can select the one that she thinks best represents your family

5:03 PM  
Blogger patti said...

Bon--if I get all these pix to go through you are dead meat!

Jodi--i know she's perfect (except for the bull headedness, messiness and disorganization skills). Now her girls are a different story--they are too funny and sweet (much like their Grammie)--the apples of my eye.

5:45 PM  
Blogger kigogal said...

This Patti / bonnie b conversation is cracking me up!

You two should have a reality show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I pitch it to NBC? Can I? Can I? Can I? :-)

7:33 PM  
Blogger But Momma said...

That is the funniest thing EVER! And your Mom was right, you guys are gorgeous! I still think the other one is cute too though.


8:20 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Okay, I think both photos are great for the type of photo they are. Bonnie's is great as a candid, Mom's (Patti's) is great as a portrait.

How's that for mediation?

And Wow, Mom how did you just "Come across" her blog??? You must be pretty internet savvy...

I'm undecided about telling my Mom about my blog...maybe she already knows and reads it and hasn't told me! Not that I'd write anything negative about my Mom. She's a peach. Just like Patti.

9:13 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Patti- I think part of Bonnie's charm is her bullheadness, disorganziation, and messiness! :) I loved seeing her come to class with papers flying everywhere and searching for a non child written on piece of paper to take notes on. It is part of her creativity and charm! Love it. And yes, your granddaughters are perfect too! They are so very sweet, energetic, fun, and adventerous. My boys think they're the best.

I am Bonnie's biggest fan, have been for years, can you tell? :)

9:29 PM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

Info for whoever cares-- when I first started this blog, I told my mother about it. Heck I talk about it like everyday because I am terrible with secrets. I don't want to, but I can feel my mother's stare through the phone line.
"You're hiding something Bonnie, come clean or-------"
It is just terrible and so I break.
This is only with personal stuff. i can keep your secrets because they are yours not mine.
I just never thought she'd find it or ever go to it because -- that is just not like her.
WHo knows how long she has been reading it?
I just thought it was funny that she made herself known when I posted the picture. It was like the picture sent her over the line.

She hears my crap every day of her life.

10:27 PM  
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6:43 PM  

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