Decisions, decisions

When I started this blog last year, I was lonely and really unhappy with my situation. My husband was gone three to four complete days every week and nonexistent during the summer. Plus, when he was home, he wasn't "home." He practically lived in the garage or outside, and we never talked.

I was frustrated because I really wanted to go to grad school. For 10 years I'd put the dream on hold. Heck, I hadn't written a story or poem in 10 years-- much less a term paper. And why hadn't I written? I was under the impression that my husband hated my writing.

So many things were negative or at least I felt this way that I needed a creative outlet. I needed to reconnect with my inner "Bonnie"-- that girl whom I had thought left long ago. Over the years of marriage had become so negative and bitter that I failed to see the good things in my life.

My husband is the hardest working man alive-- I swear it. He may not love my writing style or the classics, but he loves me dearly and I think sometimes he is a closet "lover of my words."

I'm also fortunate to get to write a weekly column for a paper and miscellaneous articles for local newspapers and magazines, so it's not like I never write. I just rarely write the kind of stuff that feeds my soul.

What I'm getting at is that over the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and about the cold hard facts of life from bloggers. You all became a happy addiction until it threatened to ruin my marriage. At first I thought to hell with it, I'm unhappy. I'll just start over and be the crazy writer I wanted to be so much -- until I read a blog that gave me some food for thought). I didn't want to be alone or to give up on "happily ever after."

And so I took an inventory of my life, cut back on blogging as it was making my family crazy and signed up for grad school. Through this I learned there is a time and a place for everything and right now I hate to admit it, but my time is not well spent drooling over the classics. Somebody needs to raise the children, so I dropped out and put my dream on hold once again (but this time I am not bitter; I'm realistic. You really can't have it all).

So what is the point of this post? Good question.

I don't want this blog to die, and right now it's dying. I guess I have two choices. I can pull the plug or I can actually do what I love so very much-- read and write. And so, I've decided to make one final go of it. From now on I'm going to have regular "office hours" so I can read blogs and write at least twice a week.

And so, from 7 a.m. until 7:30 a.m., Monday through Thursday I will read blogs. It's not much, but it's all I have right now. I will also post on Tuesday, Thursday and an occasional Wednesday and Sunday. I look forward to reconnecting with you all.